1st (Love For Sale) Read online

  “I wonder how badly?” Seth’s smirk told me he wasn’t done with his games yet, and I felt like crying again. I wasn’t sure I could physically take much more.

  “Please, Seth. If you don’t want to help me I’ll do it myself.” Anger took the place of need, somewhat. I’d got myself off before, granted there hadn’t been any toys involved, but I knew I could take the edge of this need he’d built up in me.

  “While I might enjoy watching that, kitten, I think I have a better idea.” He slid off the bed and began walking toward the door. His gorgeous ass was a thing to behold but he was going the wrong way to give me what I needed.

  “Don’t leave me here.” I couldn’t believe he’d be so cruel. My body was throbbing, the extent of my need dripping onto the comforter underneath me, surely he couldn’t just let me suffer this way.

  “I’ll be right back, kitten.” His soft chuckle made me groan, because I just knew he was going back downstairs to find something else to torture me with.

  He came back with something new all right, only it happened to be his driver. I gasped as Joel glanced over my splayed out form, taking in every inch of my body, and I was left with no way to cover myself. My face heated and for a moment I was too stunned to speak.

  “You remember Joel.” Seth’s voice was once again smooth as molasses, as if he was introducing me in polite society, and not in this position of vulnerability he’d left me in.

  I couldn’t speak, my throat had tightened impossibly from both embarrassment and the state of my body, both which were so overpowering, leaving me in shock. I swallowed, trying to bring some moisture back to my mouth, which was an impossibility, especially with the hungry look in Joel’s grey eyes.

  “She’s in a bit of a state. Maybe you could help her out.” Seth’s deep chuckle wasn’t cruel, in fact he seemed rather pleased with himself.

  “How would you like me to do that, sir?” Joel’s eyes never left me, and continued to appraise each inch of me as if he were inspecting.

  “Until last night she was a virgin, so I think fucking is off the table, but you know how to use that mouth, boy.”

  I couldn’t believe what he was saying, and the implication of how demeaning he was being to Joel wasn’t lost on me, either. Joel didn’t seem to mind in the least, judging by the smile on his face, and he moved to kneel between my legs before I could even think of how to tell him hell no.

  He dropped his head between my thighs, and his tongue lapped over my swollen flesh with abandon. I cried out loudly at the first touch of his lips against my aching core, knowing how wrong this was, but unable to demand that he stop. His tongue lapped, speared, and suckled until I came so hard I screamed.

  This was so wrong on so many levels, but my body had no issue with what had just happened. He’d just allowed his driver to eat me out! How was I supposed to feel about that? On the one hand, my body was fully satiated, and I obviously wasn’t complaining there, but he’d given me no choice in the matter and no matter how good it felt, it was just plain wrong.

  “Clean her up, Joel, then go take care of yourself.” Seth’s tone was no nonsense and the walls of my emotions closed in on themselves. I was lost in my own world, even as Joel returned and used a warm cloth to wash my sex with tenderness.

  Seth released me from the restraints, and Joel left us alone. I wanted to scream at him, or maybe myself, but instead I sat up in the bed wrapping my arms protectively around myself. I couldn’t believe what had just happened.

  “You’re overthinking things, kitten.” Seth sat down on the bed, pulling my unyielding form into his lap. “I want you to pull yourself together, go home and pack, then come back here. Today was only the beginning of the things I’ll teach you.”

  I allowed him to hold me, maybe because I couldn’t think through the myriad of emotions that consumed my thoughts. He kissed me again, then lifted me in his arms, walking me into the bathroom. Turning on the shower, he led me inside and washed my body with a loving care that went against everything that he’d allowed to happen. Making me even more confused, he dried me off, helped me dress, and even combed out my hair.

  “I have to get some work done, Joel will be waiting for you downstairs. Just let him know what you need to get moved in and he’ll help.” Without any other words, he left me standing in his room fully dressed, and more confused than I’d ever been in my life.

  chapter Eight

  Overwhelmed

  I don’t know how long I stood in his room, trying to absorb what had happened. Things like this didn’t happen in the real world, did they? All I really knew was I wanted to go home. I needed McKayla, and I wasn’t sure I could even tell her what had happened. What would she think about me after hearing that I’d allowed another man, outside of the one I barely knew, do things like that to me?

  What I did know was I couldn’t stay here another minute. With a firm resolve, I forced my feet to walk out of that room, downstairs, and outside to where Joel was waiting. His knowing smile wasn’t egotistical like Seth’s instead it hinted at being happy and it made no damn sense. I guess he might have been happy that he’d been given his boss’s? What was I to Seth? Whore seemed like the easiest explanation. God, if that didn’t make me feel even worse than I had before.

  He opened the car door, and I slid into the backseat, feeling like the worst skank who had ever walked the face of the earth. I didn’t acknowledge him at all as I sat back there lost in my misery. Thankfully he drove and didn’t seem to need conversation because I truly had no idea how to explain my behavior.

  In my defense, I’d been tied up, but I still had a mouth and that was no excuse for what I’d allowed to happen. I hadn’t even tried to stop him. I was mad as hell at myself, and that’s what I associated the tears streaming down my cheeks to. I refused to think I was crying because I knew returning to Seth’s wasn’t an option. It wasn’t, was it?

  No! There was no way I could go back there. I was no match for the mind games Seth played, and if I wanted to keep one shred of self-respect, I could never look back. Taking off the table that the man tied me up and did all kinds of kinky things, he’d allowed one of his employees to get me off. How the hell could I ever trust him or myself again?

  “Miss Caitlin?” Joel’s concerned voice broke through my mental anguish, and I noticed the tissues he was holding out through the letdown partition.

  I took them and tried to wipe away my tears, but the irony wasn’t lost on me that he was still treating me like his boss’s woman. “I think we can drop the pretense of formality considering what happened. Just Caitlin.” I sniffled, then blew my nose wondering what he must think of me.

  “I guess I’m in trouble now?” His expression looked so forlorn that for a minute my own grief was lost.

  Shaking my head forcing a watery grin I took a deep breath. “Why would you be in trouble? I was the one that didn’t say no.”

  “I think it’s fair to say Master Seth had you pretty worked up. Besides, I did promise you wouldn’t regret this, but I can see that you do.” I met his glance in the review mirror and the sad look in his eyes made me feel guilty.

  It would have been so easy to take the excuse he offered, but I knew the truth. No matter how aroused I’d been, if I hadn’t wanted Joel to touch me, I could have used that stupid safe word. “It’s not your shame, Joel, it’s mine. I just hope you can forgive me.” The crux of my despondence was that I’d allowed this stranger to fulfill my need without caring that he was a real person. He’d been nothing more than a means to an end.

  “I feel honored that you allowed me to pleasure you.”

  The look in his eyes seemed sincere, but how could that be possible? He’d not gotten anything for himself for the act, and it hit me then what he’d called Seth. Master. “You liked doing that?” I was once again overwhelmed and trying to understand this crazy world Seth lived in.

  “Absolutely. You’re a beautiful woman, who, by the way, tastes incredible, so why wouldn’t I enjoy
going down on you?” He laughed and the sound was so filled with happiness it had me more confused than ever.

  “Well, you didn’t get, um, well, you know, anything from it.” I was so damned embarrassed having this conversation and so out of my depth of understanding on top of that.

  “Master Seth has been a great employer, so being allowed to be of service was my pleasure. Outside of my normal duties, he rarely allows me the opportunity to go above and beyond. Not that pleasing you was a duty, I’d consider that a pleasure anytime you’d allow.”

  What kind of screwed up lifestyle did these people live? He was happy to be of service? I had no idea what that even meant. “I’m sorry, but you’ve lost me completely. Seth is your Master, so the two of you?” I didn’t even want to put that in words. Not that I had anything against homosexuality, but Seth being bisexual wasn’t something I expected.

  “Oh, no, Miss Caitlin, I haven’t explained myself properly. Master Seth, is a master, but I don’t belong to him expect as an employee. My Mistress is very good friends with him, but she already had a driver.”

  “So, he’s not bisexual?” I don’t know why I was relieved, when I had no intention of going back to Seth’s, but I think it was because I had a problem thinking of him with anyone else, male or female.

  “Not that I’m aware of, at least he’s never allowed me to pleasure him.” The fact that Joel seemed a little upset about that told me that he was indeed into swinging both ways.

  We pulled up in front of my apartment and my head was still reeling with new information. I knew the questions I had would go unanswered because I just couldn’t be a part of this again. He pulled the limo up to the curb, and walked around to open my door. There was nothing suggestive about his attitude and had I not known firsthand that we’d been intimate, he would have appeared completely professional.

  “Please call me with any needs you have for the move or if I can help out at all, Miss.” His smile was genuine and I wanted to be honest with him. After what had happened earlier, I almost felt I owed it to him.

  “I’m not going back, Joel, but thank you for bringing me home.” I forced a smile to my face but inside I was truly dying. Our conversation had taken my mind off the things I’d done for a moment, but back in the safety of my own area, I knew this had to end.

  “Master Seth won’t be pleased.” His smile faltered and he looked really worried. “I hope it was nothing I’ve said.”

  “It’s just not for me, and I promise it has nothing to do with you.” It did, but not in the way he meant it. I just couldn’t be this person and still look at myself in the mirror in the morning.

  “As you wish, Miss Caitlin. May I say it was an honor meeting you, and I do hope you’ll consider calling me sometime?”

  He accepted my answer so easily, and it hurt a little to know I could walk away so easily. “Thanks, Joel, and, um, good luck.” I had no idea what to say to this guy, so I walked away. Walking inside my building I found it a little ironic that I’d allowed him to do such an intimate act and then couldn’t talk to him. Just another reason why I needed to stop whatever the hell it was I was doing with Seth.

  McKayla ambushed me the moment I walked inside, wrapping me in a tight hug. Of course, the dam broke free with her concern and I spilled everything, not even thinking about what a horrible light it put me in. She was my best friend, if she couldn’t understand then no one could.

  “What a low-life, sack of shit. I knew he was scum. Are you all right baby girl? I will personally go kick his ass from here to Kingdom Come if it makes you feel better!”

  Having her on my side, was all I needed to feel better about the situation. Obviously, she was on my side, and it made me really think about the events leading up to where I was now. “I guess on the positive side I’m no longer inexperienced.”

  “Two men in one day, yeah, I’d say that gives you a heads up on me, babe.” It was a running joke with us that I held on to my virginity for so long. “Joel’s bi? I can’t say I wouldn’t want to watch a little of that action.”

  McKayla had this fascination with gay porn or fiction, I’d never understood it myself. “That’s what he said, but that’s your thing not mine.”

  “Are you kidding me? Two hot men going at it, and then adding you into the mix? That sounds like my version of paradise.” I could tell she was trying to take my mind off what I was feeling, it was something she did very well whenever a bad situation came up.

  “Sounds painful to me. I mean they’d probably put their things in you at the same time.” I remember the butt plug Seth used and I couldn’t imagine a guy sticking it in there.

  “Anal is not that bad if the guy knows what he’s doing.” Her smile was secretive, and the laugh she let out told me more than words. “And the word is cock, I think you can at least try it out now.”

  I rolled my eyes, not liking the way the word sounded, and shook my head no. “You’ve done that?” At her nod, I cringed. “That little toy he used on me last night was more than enough, thank you.”

  “Did he hurt you?” Her smile faded away, replaced by an angry frown.

  “No. Oddly enough he was pretty gentle, but it’s that full feeling, I don’t think I really liked it. Well, until he added some other stimulation in.” My body tingled as I thought about the pleasure he’d given me.

  “Screw him, I think when you meet the right guy, you should consider experimenting a little with it. I promise it can be really enjoyable.”

  “I think I’ve had enough experimenting for a while.” Even saying those words made me want Seth again, and I was convinced he’d turned me into a sex fanatic.

  “Bullshit, babe. Just because he was too over the top for someone like you, doesn’t mean you should give up. There are nice guys that like to please their women, too.”

  “I doubt I’d ever be able to ask a man to do something like that.” I wasn’t shy in general, but sex was a taboo topic for me.

  “I think you’d be surprised. Oh! While it’s still on my mind, Danver wants to meet with me this afternoon. I’m not sure what’s going on but he sounded different.”

  The change of topic was something I was pleased about until I remembered Seth’s plans. “I think I need to make a phone call.” The thought of talking to Seth wasn’t something I was looking forward to, but I wanted to stop his negotiation with our boss. Since I was no longer going forward with this screwed up relationship, there was no reason for him to buy the company. I explained everything to McKayla.

  “That fuck-head is some piece of work.” She sighed and shook her head. “As much as I wish you never had to speak to the pervert again, you’d better set him straight.”

  I knew putting it off wasn’t going to make it any easier, so I stood up and walked over to the phone in our small kitchen, pulling out Seth’s business card. Dialing the number my heart pounded in my chest as I waited for him to answer. When he did it fell into my stomach.

  “Joel told me you’re not coming back.” His smooth as honey voice held a strange inflection of concern, and humor.

  “I think it’s better for me that I don’t, that’s why I called you. I wanted to tell you not to bother with Danver’s.” My lips trembled as I spoke, somehow feeling bad now that I was denying him. He definitely didn’t deserve any consolation as far as I was concerned.

  “Obviously it’s your choice to walk away from this, but I told you before I don’t take rejection easily. You’ll still work for me.” His amusement was more pronounced now, and it pissed me off.

  “That’s stupid, Seth, I’ve made my choice there’s no reason for you to take over the business.” The thought of working with him, possibly seeing him all the time? I knew it would make me want things that weren’t good for me.

  “Careful, Caitlin, I might not be your Master, but as your boss you will afford me respect. Besides, I know that Mr. Coolidge, is already on board with my idea. It’s a good investment.”

  I wanted to scream at him for being
an obtuse ass, but if Danver was ready to retire did I have the right to ask Seth to take back the offer? “Fine, Mr. Rubin. Will that be all, sir?” I truly think I hated him in that moment.

  “I do believe this will work well, Caitlin. That’s all except I expect you to be at the two o’clock meeting so we can discuss the future of my company.” He didn’t give me time to reply, instead he hung up.

  “Conceited jerk!” I slammed down the receiver and was so mad I wanted to scream.

  “So, I’m guessing he refused to back out of the deal?” McKayla looked as pissed off as I felt when I gave a curt nod of my head.

  “We’re to both meet him at the building with Danver’s this afternoon to discuss how this will proceed.” It was going to be a disaster, I knew it in my gut.

  “We could always quit.” McKayla’s voice quieted into a whisper and I knew she would do that for me if I asked.

  “That’s not being realistic. Bills have to be paid, and you know what looking for employment is like around here. I can do this.”

  “Maybe you can, but I’m not sure I won’t kick his ass for general purposes.” McKayla rolled her eyes, and her hands went to each of her hips. “He’s a fucking bastard, Cat!”

  At the moment, I wasn’t disinclined to agree, but I knew her temper and it needed to be leveled out before the meeting. “Even if he is, he’s now our boss, so let’s just be smart about this. We’ll go to work, do what we always do, and keep saving until we have our own company.” It seemed more important than ever that we get the down payment for our company now.

  Coming back to her senses, McKayla nodded. “You’re right. He’s just one man after all, how hard can this be?”

  After spending some time with Seth, I wanted to tell her she had no idea, but that didn’t seem like the best way to handle things at the moment. “Exactly. Just another job.” Now if only I could convince myself that this would be easy.