Sin Read online

  I sat down at the table, thinking the less said about that the better. I had never been spanked. My parents were more into positive reinforcement.

  He poured me a cup of coffee and sat it down before sitting. “That’s one of the things we need to discuss.”

  Of course he wanted to talk about it. I groaned.

  “Eat your breakfast.” He chuckled and I was shocked that he seemed in such a good mood. He hadn’t cursed in the last five minutes. That was a first.

  We ate in companionable silence until breakfast was finished. Standing up, he walked over and refilled my coffee cup. I felt like I was being pampered and it seemed like there was something on his mind.

  “Is something wrong?” I didn’t really want to hear the answer. My confidence level around him was minute at best. I had this worry in the back of my mind that he was ready to send me away again.

  “Tell me how you felt when I spanked you last night?”

  I wasn’t expecting that question. My eyes lifted to his and I could see he was really interested in my answer.

  “I really don’t know how to answer.” That was the truth. I knew it turned me on, but I hadn’t done any soul searching over it. All I knew was the spanking led to some fantastic sex after.

  “Did you enjoy knowing I was punishing you for being bad?”

  His question caught me off guard. Had I even considered that option? I took a sip of my coffee as I contemplated. “Honestly. It just felt good.” My face was probably on fire from admitting that.

  He seemed to be considering my words. His large hand rubbed over his stubble free jaw. “What if it hadn’t been pleasurable?

  I really had no idea what he was trying to get at. “I don’t know. I’ve never really been disciplined before.” He was acting very weird and it filled my stomach with tension. What would it be like to be punished without the sexy stuff later? I couldn’t give an opinion.

  “Maybe we should find out?” He raised an eyebrow and studied my face again.

  What was he asking me for? My hand trembled as I raised my coffee cup to my lips again. “Could you explain?” Did I want to know? This was the strangest conversation I’d ever had with anyone.

  “I want to punish you without the sex after.”

  I almost choked on my drink. My eyes widened and I stared at him. This is what turned him on? I was definitely in over my head here. Could I turn him down? Did I want to? The thought of walking out wasn’t even a choice for me. I wanted this man.

  “Um. Okay?”

  He sat back in his chair staring at me. I fidgeted. There was a cold depth to his blue eyes that hadn’t been there before. I admit it. It scared the crap out of me. Nibbling on my lower lip, I studied my coffee cup.

  He stood and I flinched. The way his eyes gazed down at me gave me shivers, not all negative. “I’ll clean this up later, come with me.”

  He held out his hand and I was almost afraid to take it. “Are you going to hurt me?”

  I can’t tell you why I asked that question. Maybe it was the look in his eyes, or the way he seemed to stand taller. At six foot five, it was hard to imagine him bigger than he was, but at that moment he seemed like a giant.

  “No more than you can handle.”

  He heart fell into my stomach. Like an idiot I put my hand in his. That’s smart, just let him lead you to the slaughter. We walked back into his bedroom and I stood there like a statue. My heart pounded in my chest. Watching him ramble around in his closet wasn’t helping.

  He was holding a small leather paddle in his hand and I thought my heart would stop. He wasn’t kidding, he really did want to punish me. I took a step back. I knew Sin was different from any other man I’d met, I just didn’t guess how different.

  “You can still run away little lily.” His beautiful mouth lifted into a smirk. I considered taking his advice. This was way dark. For a woman who’d been a virgin only a few nights ago this was like jumping off a cliff into a black abyss.

  I wasn’t running. I should be. My mind was screaming at me to grab my stuff and head out that door as fast as possible. My body had different ideas. Step by step I closed the distance between us. He wanted to hurt me. I was going to allow it.

  He grabbed my hair and pulled my head back forcefully. His lips descended on mine and he ravished my mouth. I was breathless. That paddle in his hands didn’t matter anymore. It was Sin. He consumed me. I moaned softly when he pulled away.

  “Over the bed little lily.” His words were soft, mesmerizing. I didn’t think. I just reacted. Lying face down on his bed, I could hear my heart racing. I felt the shirt being lifted, exposing me to his eyes. I trembled.

  Blinding pain forced a cry from my lips as the paddle fell on my backside. I didn’t like the sensation. Why wasn’t I moving? Again the leather came down sending a sensation of fire through that tender area. I screamed again. Still I remained immobile. I could have slid away. The third time forced tears to seep through my closed eyelids. By the fourth I was sobbing.

  I couldn’t handle a fifth, I curled into a small ball on the bed. Why had I let him do that? The coolness of a rag covered the enflamed flesh and I flinched. It burned, but it soothed. The tears wouldn’t stop. I couldn’t fathom the man who gave me such pleasure could also be responsible for such pain. I was broken.

  Minutes, maybe hours later, I felt his hands working something soft and creamy into my butt cheeks. “This is what I need little lily.” I could hear the regret in his voice. I didn’t want to forgive him.

  The sobs subsided into hiccups. Whatever he’d placed on my backside numbed the pain there. The pain in my heart would need a lot more time. “I want to go home.”

  I didn’t really want to leave. What I really wanted was him to take me into his arms and love away the anguish he’d shown me. He told me he wasn’t tender. I understood now what he meant. It was a lesson that made my soul ache.

  “Don’t hate me Anya.” His voice was pleading. His hands rubbed over my back softly.

  I didn’t want him touching me with compassion at the moment. I pulled away. “I don’t hate you.” I wanted to. My heart was breaking, but hate? I could never hate someone I loved so much.

  “I just need to think.” I forced myself to leave the bed. He didn’t try to stop me. I kept his shirt on and slid the bikini bottom over my sore rear.

  “Take me to get my car please.” I whispered the words, afraid I’d break down again.

  He only nodded. I could see the pain in his eyes, but I had no comfort to offer. He hurt me. Not just physically but mentally. I understood that this was what he needed, and I couldn’t accept this truth.

  We walked to his car in silence, and he drove me back to the club. It was hell walking back in and getting my street clothes. Thankfully there were only a few customers scattered around. I didn’t want to deal with them at the moment.

  Sin didn’t follow me into the dressing room and I hurried to gather my things. My keys and purse were here and I picked them up. I met Sin in the hall.

  “Will you call me later so we can talk?” He sounded worried. I would have been thrilled to see this concern earlier, now I wasn’t sure I wanted it. “I’ll call you.”

  That was all I could say. I needed to think. I needed Kera. I needed a shrink! Walking out of Sin’s as fast as my legs would carry me, I found my car. There was no way I was going back to the dorms. I didn’t want to deal with Kimberley’s look of disgust at my profession and Lana well she was played for the other team.

  I drove to Kera’s. She would understand and had the experience with men that I lacked. Forcing back tears I knew where I needed to be.

  chapter eighteen

  Friendship

  “He fucking did what!” Kera screamed so loud I was sure the entire complex heard her.

  “Baby calm down. This isn’t helping her.” I gave a grateful smile to Luke. I hadn’t expected my best friend to flip out over the confession about last night.

  “I would rip his dick
off if he was here right now!” Kera was pacing the room like a caged lion. I decided it was best to let her vent all that anger before discussing anything.

  “Are you okay sunshine?” Luke stood beside me and pulled me into his arms. I could see why Kera loved him. When he wasn’t being a total man whore he could obviously be sweet.

  “Show me what he did to you.” Kera didn’t wait for me, she walked over lifted my shirt and pulled down my shorts in seconds.

  “Kera!” I was shocked that she would do something like that at all, but with Luke in the room? It was mortifying.

  I didn’t know how bad it looked. It just felt a little tender now. “How bad is it?” Did I really want to know?

  “Just a little red sunshine. The marks should fade in a few hours.” I blushed when Luke answered. Luke staring at my butt wasn’t very comfortable. I pulled my shorts back up

  “Still, he shouldn’t be smacking her ass that way.” Kera was calming down. Apparently she’d been concerned he’d left whelps.

  “Baby I’ve left your ass much worse off.” Luke chuckled and winked.

  I was shocked. They were into this stuff too? Was I the only person in the world that didn’t get her butt beat in college? I was beginning to wonder.

  “My ass was worked up to that and I sure as shit wasn’t a virgin last week.” What was it with Kera and my sexual status?

  “So this is something you guys enjoy?” It wasn’t my business, but maybe knowing Sin wasn’t some freak of nature might help.

  “It spices up the sex life. But I would have led someone like you into this a little easier.” Kera was shaking her head. I guess to her I was still the little shy girl she needed to protect.

  “How do you lead someone up to that?” Maybe I was naïve because I just didn’t think normal people did this kind of stuff.

  “I usually start off the newbies with floggers and sex toys. They aren’t as harsh and leave a better impression.” Luke shrugged and smiled wickedly.

  “What’s a flogger?” I guess I could have looked it up on the internet, but he didn’t seemed to mind talking about things.

  “I’ll show you.” He stood and walked back to the bedroom.

  “How are you dealing with all this?” Kera sat down on the couch. I joined her and she patted my leg. “I didn’t mean to throw you to the wolves’ honey.”

  “I’m okay. I was freaked out. But maybe I just don’t know enough.” I was second guessing myself and feeling gauche.

  “I could imagine you were freaked. I don’t know why he felt the need to break out the paddle. Someone needs to kick some sense into that man’s head.” She pulled me into her arms and I allowed it. We were the same age but I always felt that she was years older than my maturity level.

  My phone rang and I pulled out of her arms. It was Sin. I wasn’t sure if I should answer the call, but I did. “Hey.”

  “I just wanted to check on you.” I could hear the concern in his voice and I melted. It wasn’t fair how easily I caved in with him.

  “I’m fine. Luke is going to show me a flogger.” I didn’t want to talk about what had happened so I blurted out the first thing that popped into my head.

  “Where are you?” That sweet concern turned to a stiff tone in two seconds flat.

  “Um. I’m at Kera’s.” He sounded mad. I had no idea what flipped the switch but my hand trembled.

  Kera grabbed my phone and opened up a tirade. “Have you any fucking idea of the mental stress you caused her? What the fuck were you thinking Sin? No don’t bring your ass to my place unless you want me to kick it. Oh good grief, she’s not playing with Luke!”

  She hit end and I gasped. “He’s on his way over. I swear you need to set him straight before I forget he’s my boss.” She handed my phone back to me.

  Luke walked in holding a strange looking whip. I’d never seen anything like it. It had dozens of long, thick, leather strands. He handed it over and I noticed the strands were very soft.

  I ran my fingers over the thickness. “Does this hurt?” It felt heavy, and I wasn’t really sure what body part it was used for.

  “It really feels heavenly.” Kera was out of her funk that quickly. “There’s no pain with a flogger hon. It’s almost like a pressure on your back as it falls.”

  “Stand up and let me show her.” Luke smiled and waggled his eyebrows. I couldn’t help but laugh at his enthusiasm.

  “My man likes to show off.” Giggling she walked over to the wall and braced her hands against it. She was dressed in a tank top and shorts, and I discovered you didn’t have to be nude to do this. I watched in fascination as Luke brought the toy against her back. He appeared to be using some force but Kera never tensed.

  They kept up the show for fifteen minutes, and I was enthralled. I’d never seen anyone do things like this. It had my interest piqued. The doorbell rang and I didn’t think, I just went to answer it.

  Sin pulled me into his arms and kissed me deeply before I could open my mouth. “I’m a fucking idiot baby, please tell me you forgive me.”

  It was hard to deny him anything when he kissed me that way. I nodded slowly. His eyes caught sight of Luke and Kera and he walked in, shutting the door behind him.

  Luke put down the flogger and I could see the slight sheen of sweat on his brow. Obviously this stuff took a little strength. “Sorry. I got a little carried away.” He gave a small nod at Sin.

  Kera’s eyes shot daggers at Sin, and I laughed. “Can we not go all crazy, this has already been an insane morning?” I didn’t want any more drama today. I still wasn’t sure how I felt about the things Sin had done to me.

  “Well come sit down then. You’re not growing any taller.” For Kera that was nice. Sin grabbed my hand and walked me over to the couch. We sat down together.

  “So what did you think about the flogger.” Luke was playing peace maker I noticed and I forced a smile.

  “It didn’t look like Kera was in pain.”

  “I promise you it doesn’t hurt. Would you like to try?” Luke waited for me to answer.

  I was shocked to discover I did want to know what it felt like. I glanced up at Sin. He gave me a half-smile, I took it as approval.

  Nodding, I stood up. Maybe it was crazy. But I was tired of being in the dark about things. I walked over to Luke, and lifted my chin bravely.

  “I think Sin would be a better teacher on this one. He taught me.” Luke held out the flogger and I was surprised when Sin walked over to take it from his hands. It didn’t slip my notice that Luke said he taught him either. That was a question for another time.

  Kera and Luke took our places on the couch and I looked up at Sin nervously. After the paddle incident I was a little timid of what he could do with his hands.

  “Trust me little lily. I won’t hurt you here.” I could see the need in his eyes for me to believe his words.

  I remembered how Kera had leaned against the wall and mimicked it. The first fall of the flogger on my back made me take a quick intake of breath. It felt like being pushed forward gently.

  I was moaning softly as he continued to reign down lashes. This was incredible! There was no pain at all. It was this feeling of pressure and I was shocked to discover it was arousing me. My legs squeezed together to stop the ache between my thighs.

  “My bedrooms to the left.” Kera broke the spell with her words and I flushed. How did she know this excited me?” Sin pulled me into his arms and chuckled. He led me over to Luke and handed back his toy.

  Sin pulled me into his lap when he sat down in the oversized recliner. It felt right being held in his arms that way. “So you like the flogger. I hope you’ll let me use it again on you?”

  He sounded so uncertain. I couldn’t place the strong man I knew with the questioning of this person who held me tenderly.

  “I’d like that.” I snuggled into his arms, not caring that Luke and Kera were in the room with us.

  “You feel safer here, don’t you?” Sin whispered the wor
ds in my ear and I shifted in his lap. Just being held this way made me want him again.

  “I don’t know how to answer that. Everything about you is just so intense.” I hoped he wasn’t angry that I spoke the truth.

  “You make me feel shit I haven’t allowed in a long time.”

  I was stunned by his confession. All I could do was stare up into his beautiful face in wonder. I made him feel things! It was humbling to think this complex Adonis could feel anything for someone like me.

  “Luke I don’t normally ask for favors, but what would you say if I asked you to let my girl watch some scenes?”

  Did he just call me his girl? Oh my. I was floating on some alternate reality. Wait, what scenes. Watch Luke?

  “Return the favor and I think Kera and I will agree.”

  “I’m not sure my Anya would feel comfortable on display?” He looked at me and I had no idea what he was asking.

  “I’m sorry you’ve both lost me?” Return what favor? These guys were speaking Greek.

  “Don’t listen to him. We don’t mind. I’d rather she learn this way than another lesson in pain. Seriously, you need to curb your enthusiasm with her.”

  Sin looked shamed and I still wasn’t understanding the conversation. “Would someone please tell me what we’re deciding?” I was getting frustrated.

  “Normally I’d tell you to bite my ass. In this instance, you’re right. She’s not ready for certain lessons yet.” He turned from Kera back to me and smiled patiently. “Luke and Kera are going to show you more about what I am into.”

  I sat back in his lap dumb-founded. He couldn’t mean that he wanted me to watch them together. That one time I’d walked in on them had been embarrassing enough. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  The thought of watching them do each other was disturbing. Okay. It was also a little exciting, but I wasn’t sure I was ready for that.

  “I’ll be with you.” Sin wrapped his arm around my waist, and I could feel his erection under my rear. It was obviously more than a little exciting to him to consider watching. I couldn’t deny him.